Talk Like an Encryption

Today's R&B is a pretty sad-ass state of affairs. Most songs consist of the same tinny beats, tired hand-clap effects, klinky keyboards, and vocoder-filtered lyrics (damn you, Cher!) ad nauseum. Seriously, look at the Billboard charts! They're featured in every R&B song. The two worst perpetrators: Akon and T-Pain. But upon closer inspection, maybe these cats are onto something. What if everything you said sounded like an R&B remix? Would the ladies fall at your feet? Would your coworkers bow to your coolness? Or would they go all Remy Ma on you and bust a cap, effectively putting you out of your misery?