Thursday, June 26, 2008

The Grand Unified Theory of Conservatism: Idiocracy

The mark of a good theory in science is it unites previously disparate facts within a single unifying explanatory framework. And here, finally, we have evidence, a final piece in the puzzle, for a heretofore suspected but not yet fully accepted Unified Theory of Conservatism: Intentional Stupidity at the highest levels of the GOP AKA Idiocracy. I posit we could explain and unite just about any of the many Bush/GOP clusterfucks in one single willfully ignorant theme so well demonstrated by this:

The White House in December refused to accept the Environmental Protection Agency’s conclusion that greenhouse gases are pollutants that must be controlled, telling agency officials that an e-mail message containing the document would not be opened, senior E.P.A. officials said last week. ...Tony Fratto, a White House spokesman, refused to comment on discussions between the White House and the Environmental Protection Agency. Asked about changes in the original report, Mr. Fratto said, "It’s the E.P.A. that determines what analysis it wants to make available" in its documents.

No doubt intentionally avoiding reports and thus not knowing what's in them makes not commenting on it a much smoother process. But I propose this head in the sand approach helps explain more, much more. For example, it predicts that when senior government leaders refuse to even hear empirical data that might challenge their precious-s-s-s extremist warped ideology, we might end up blowing a trillion dollars and expending thousands of lives and limbs needlessly in a war against the wrong fucking country while the real bad guys slip away; or that fuel prices might skyrocket leaving American families in a bleak, unending bind with little or no alternatives; or that conservatives might ignore a category five hurricane bearing down on the most vulnerable city in the nation even though it had been predicted for decades and then blame it on a parade; or a looming housing crisis leaving entire families from shore to shore homeless; it even predicts that big fat tax gifts for a few rich people won't lead to an economic Mecca for the working man as promised by neocon idiots, but only to a few richer rich people ... really, need we continue?

At some point in the near future history of this great nation, "Republican" or "Conservative" might just become a generic insult synonymous with dipshit precisely because dangerously stupid has become the premier conservative governing philosophy: Shut up, don't open emails, don't read analyst reports, dismiss empirical evidence in favor of wishful thinking, keep your heads in the sand, and don't strain your faith-based noggins worrying about stuff like some silly report back in August 2001 that might say Bin Laden determined to strike in the US until it's too late. Think about that elite asshole in the corner of the country club social with the hot date and martini; shit doesn't that dumbass piss you off? Now, watch this drive, enjoy tonight's episode of rehabilitation, and drink your Brawndo, it has what plants crave!

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